Saturday, July 12th, 2025 08:25 pm

Posted by John Scalzi

So, if I want to buy a 100 Grand candy bar (or an Almond Joy, or a Heath Bar, or whatever), and I go to the candy aisle in the local gas station, or the one in the IGA, the candy bar will cost about two bucks, give or take. But! If I go to the local dollar store to buy the same brand of candy, packaged as four to six “fun sized” individually wrapped bars, each of these packages are $1.25, or $5 if I buy five. The aggregate amount of candy by weight is pretty much the same as if I bought the full-sized candy bar, but because they are packaged differently, it costs half as much. Does this make sense? No! It does not! I mean yes, I understand that one is positioned as an impulse buy and one is not, I do understand the psychology of the supermarket. I get it, truly I do. But it still boggles my mind.

Likewise if I go to the store to buy a 12-pack of Coke Zero, it will be somewhere between $8 and $10, but if Krissy goes to Kroger on a particular day and shows them her Kroger card (or whatever) then she can get the “buy two, get three free” discount, which again means the actual cost of the 12-pack is 40% of what its usual cost is. It works similarly for lots of other things, including things that are not junk food or drink.

“Congratulations, Scalzi, you’ve discovered coupons,” I hear you say. Look, I’m not saying any of this is new. But it does seem to me the variance in pricing is more significant now than it was before. I’m not exactly what you would call a price-sensitive individual these days, but I still finally broke down and got myself a CVS card because the difference in cost between having that card, and not, was high enough that my brain rebelled against needlessly spending that much more.

(Yes, I’m aware that CVS, Kroger, et al are data farming what I purchase. As a practical matter, I don’t really care if CVS learns I’m buying Doritos; they were tracking the UPC when I went to check out anyway. And as a general matter I’m not purchasing anything in a supermarket or pharmacy that I want to hide from data crunching.)

I know this is a bit of an aimless rant, but I think what I’m really getting at is that the answer to the question “why are things so expensive right now” really is “because fuck you, that’s why.” That candy bar quite evidently doesn’t need to be $2; that 12-pack of soda doesn’t need to be $8, and there are a lot of people who can’t afford the clearly arbitrary high prices that things have, who have to pay them anyway. It’s annoying for me, but for someone else it might mean skipping a meal or two, or more, here and there. It doesn’t seem fair, and it doesn’t seem right.

— JS

Friday, July 11th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by john (the hubby of Jen)

One ugly 8-inch round flower cake:

$6.00

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes:

$30.00

 

Five ugly 8-inch round flower cakes plopped on

styrofoam and cardboard stands:

$235.00

The look on the bride's face?

Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy...

but a decent wedding cake isn't one of them.

Thanks to Melinda W., Holley W., Kae B., Liz Q., Meghan F., Nikki G., and Lainey M. who thinks we should start investing in styrofoam and cardboard.

*****

P.S. I found something for the bride who wants to wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something poo:

Unicorn Poop Earrings

Don't stop believing, y'all. Dreams do come true.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Thursday, July 10th, 2025 03:30 pm

Posted by John Scalzi

When you see a possibly terrifying mythical creature, is your first thought, I’m totally gonna pet that? If so, then Sara Omer, author of The Gryphon King, might have something in common with you.

SARA OMER:

At its core, The Gryphon King is about a horse girl on a quest for vengeance versus a man with cat-related PTSD. But before I can get into the infernal horse and lion biology at play, I have to gush about the monster-riding story more generally.

Just as children wish for puppies, children reading fantasy books wish for dragons. The unbreakable bonds between fire-breathing beasts and reluctant heroes populate epic fantasy stories, but if giant flying lizards aren’t your style, there’s any number of mythic monsters that might be mountable (monster romance implications of that statement aside). I love a dragonrider story as much as the next person, probably more than most people, but there’s a whole ecosystem of underutilized fantastic monsters out there that deserve some time in the spotlight. In the empire of Dumakra in The Gryphon King, there is at least one stable full of flying horses that didn’t ask to be ridden into battle or form lifelong bonds with power-hungry morally gray disaster princesses, but we can’t always fight the fate we’re dealt.

Growing up, having my own horse was as much a fantasy as having my own dragon, but I like to think I lived a tangential horse girl experience. I wasn’t yet in kindergarten when I learned to ride horses, taught by the grandfatherly carriage driver Mr. “Grandpa” Clint, who drove his carriage around the town square. After learning how to drive a carriage at an age that was definitely not road legal (to the chagrin of many other children), Grandpa Clint taught me how to ride a horse at his stable. The horse for the job was an ancient old white gelding living a life of comfort in retirement, and who I enthusiastically urged to a flying gallop my first time on the trail. I had a wonderful time as my mom and Mr. Clint raced after, concerned I would be terrified or die, probably. Surprise, I lived. I think everyone should experience that exhilaration, and a few hundred feet off the ground while you’re at it.

I had a formidable collection (army) of Breyer horses, although unlike Nohra in The Gryphon King, I didn’t grow up with an imperial stable. But some family friends had their own horses and boarded them nearby. Sometimes I would get to go ride or hang out at the stable and in the pastures. Rambo, their stubborn paint gelding, was barely tall enough to even be considered a horse rather than a pony, and I vividly remember a time he got kicked, presumably for being an asshole, and the bloody branding of the hoof that slowly healed. For this and other reasons, I’m convinced every horse is a little like a dragon.

There are multiple breeds of mythic horses I added to the bestiary that is The Gryphon King. Because why stop at sky horse when you can have water horse? And when I really got to thinking about the biology of pegasuses, I wanted to explore their avian side. What better way to celebrate the incredible Eurasian horses and the birds of prey in the region than combine them into one omnivorous monster that has an appetite for blood? As if horses weren’t already dangerous enough, now they really, really want to eat your fingers and the barn cats. And—oh, look—the battlefield became good grazing once the fighting’s quieted down. Really, pegasuses are a little terrifying, and they’re not even the most threatening strain of horse in Dumakra.

The moral is that if you make a bird big enough, humans begin to look like the small animals scurrying through the tall grass, evading tooth and talon. And what’s more terrifying than horse-eagle? Lion eagle.

I have utmost respect for anyone who can make a big cat with a massive wingspan seem docile and friendly; I just think, considering the injuries a falconer could incur and compounding those with what might befall your average lion tamer, you should have to sign a few release waivers to approach a gryphon.

Maybe I made all my animals ferocious because nature is ferocious and dangerous, and when people play at power, they don’t come close to the might of beasts. But their actions have often irreparable impacts on nature nonetheless.

Fear and respect can coexist. Add a little human curiosity, and I would never fault anyone who decided to ride a murder horse. The Gryphon King is for the readers who would go out of their way to pet a man-eating monster, who would risk it all to bond with a creature that could kill them a few different ways on purpose or by accident—I’m a little scared for your wellbeing, but I respect the drive and share the dream.


The Gryphon King: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop|Powell’s

Author Socials: Bluesky|Instagram|Twitter

Thursday, July 10th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

Sometimes I like to think this blog might have a positive influence on current baking trends. (Oh, stop laughing. A girl can dream.) So, what do you say we mosey on over to a few of our nation's baby showers and see how things are going?

Wonderful!


I mean, sure, "beby" is misspelled, and there's a giant funky headboard thing happening, and the doll is staring at me all creepy-like, but the baby itself is not edible. That's progress, people!

Hey, a lot of those letters are right.

 

In fact - and feel free to correct me here if I'm wrong - I think "cohgrautions" may be the Canadian spelling.

You might be wondering how many tracts of land they had to search to find these two peas in a pod, or why the baker didn't make the "peas" green. That said, it's not a pregnant torso cake.

 

Plus it makes me want to start singing "Keep Walking" by the French Peas, so that's a "win" all 'round.

This next one may cause a bit of a flap, but I'll have no truck with such negativity:

After all, nothing drives home the beauty of motherhood quite like a pregnant mudflap girl. Eh? Eh? Am I right?

 

Well, my friends, I think I've made my point: baby shower cakes are getting better! And all because of me! ME, I SAY!! BWAHAHAHAAA!!

AHAHAHAAAHAA!! 

BAHAHAHAA...

...huh?

AAAAAUUUGGHH!!

[blink blink]
 
Well.

Back to business as usual, then? 

Thanks to Sose K., Krista M., Susan M., Bob S., & Carly A. for dashing my dreams. You cruel, cruel wreckporters, you.

******

P.S. Watch me un-creepify this post by going from creepy baby cakes to baby beef cakes:

The Buff Baby Rattle

This is hilarious. And a real thing! Amazon helpfully suggested I pair it with the "Do You Even Lift?" baby onesie and now I wish I had a weightlifting friend with a baby to give this to.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Wednesday, July 9th, 2025 09:11 pm

Posted by John Scalzi

Krissy is off visiting friends for a couple of days, and so it falls to me to take the dog for her daily walk through the local nature preserve. I mean, I could not do it, but then I would disappoint Charlie, and, look, you just do not want to disappoint a dog. She will look at you all mopey and sad for the whole rest of the day. No thank you. A walk is vastly preferable. Plus, you know. I need the exercise too.

How has your Wednesday been?

— JS

Wednesday, July 9th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

"Deb, everyone keeps laughing at our new spiral donuts. Any idea why?"

"Really? Still? Drat. I even added a sign - I thought that would help."

"Yeah, about that....I'm not sure we should be telling customers to not get their "panties" in a twist. Could you change that?"

"Oh, sure."

"And make sure the new sign mentions we can heat the donuts up, too."

"You got it!"

 _____________________________________________________

Attention, customers: THEY'RE JUST DONUTS. 

Don't get your p***s in a twist. 

 P.S. Available Hot...


or Cold!

 

 Thanks for the dough nuts, Sophie F.!

*****

Good news, there's a Volume 2!

Exceptionally Bad Dad Jokes, Vol II

This one has the word "spiffing" in the title AND comes with a lovely green-and-gold cover, so folks will recognize your sophisticated taste while begging you to stop telling these terrible, TERRIBLE jokes.

*****
And from my other blog, Epbot:

Tuesday, July 8th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

With graduation season over, you might be tempted to revel in the heady hopes of a brighter tomorrow, what with all these freshly educated, newly degreed youngins descending upon our workforce and all.

I'm here to fix all that.

This cake was supposed to say - I kid you not - "It's a girl."

That apostrophe placement will be haunting my dreams tonight.



Of course, it's also possible to get the spelling and punctuation perfect, while still completely missing the point:

Granted, this could be a "he said, she said" issue.

Hey, remember when preschoolers were taught to put the square blocks in the square holes, and the round blocks in the round holes?

Do they not do that anymore?

For some reason I'm getting the feeling this is supposed to be a base"ball." Odd.

And remember that toy with the pull string that told you what the dog says?

Do they not have those anymore, either?

Wait. Is that a cat?

Ok, now I'm really confused.

Still, I guess we can take comfort in knowing that these wreckerators won't always be wreckerators:

Eventually they'll get promoted to management.

Thanks to Becky A., Jane R., Stacey S., Jennifer V., & Alissa P., who want to ask that employee in the background, "Hey, why the long face?"

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Monday, July 7th, 2025 04:03 pm

Posted by John Scalzi

It’s 1987 and my friend Tommy Kim has an idea to make his college applications stand out from the crowd: In addition to the usual essays, grades and test scores, he’s going to include a cassette of songs he’s written, performed by a band he put together, and professionally produced in an actual studio. The band he put together included a bunch of friends and schoolmates, including me on drums and my pal Kevin Stampfl on bass. Our name: Dead Rats Don’t Fly, or “DRDF” for short. Why did we call ourselves that? Look, pal, it was the 80s, okay. Lots of things didn’t make sense. The four-song EP we cranked out in two days of studio time was called 327, named after Tommy’s room number in the Holt dormitory at Webb.

So, how was 327 as musical statement? Well, it is exactly the music that you’d expect from a bunch of rock-loving 80s teenage dudes of varying musical abilities hastily tossed together into a band with only two days of studio time at their disposal. Are the songs… good? With all love: No. In the performances, can you sense primordial musical talent waiting for its moment to arrive? Also no. Could the drummer keep a beat without speeding up? I mean, sometimes? Tommy did get into college at least one place, so it did what it was supposed to do. Otherwise, it’s a kind of a mess.

But I think it’s an endearing mess, and at the time, waaaaay back in 1987, when we got our band copies of the EP (on cassette! It was the 80s!), we thought it was pretty damn cool. Kevin and I drove around in his Mustang, listening to the thing, kind of dazed that we had actually been in a studio, and that music we made had been committed to a permanent medium. 327 isn’t exactly good, but 17-year-old me was still proud of it, and I had a blast playing songs with my friends. And that was a good thing.

(It also allowed me to play a great prank: when Steve Shenbaum, one of the singers — yes, we had two — arrived at Northwestern for his freshman orientation and met his dorm’s resident assistant, the RA said “Steve Shenbaum? Of DRDF? Dude, that’s my favorite band!” and all the upperclassmen in the dorm were able to recite the EP’s lyrics to him. He was amazed, as he recounted to me a couple days later when I called him to see how his college experience was shaping up, and eventually it was my giggling into the phone as he told me about it that revealed that I had called his RA a day before he showed up to set the bait for him. It was delightful. I believe Steve has forgiven me. Probably.)

I misplaced my 327 tape years ago, and of course these days I don’t have a cassette player anyway, and for years the EP passed into myth, and then into legend (for, like, the extremely limited number of people who know the band members and/or ever heard the cassette or heard DRDF play live at our single concert). Then a few years ago Steve sent me an MP3 rip of his cassette of 327 (see? I told you he’s forgiven me!) and I had it again. I listened to it! It was still terrible! Nevertheless I took one of the songs from it, called “It’s a New Reality” (I wrote the lyrics for it, you see), cleaned it up slightly with Logic Pro, and put it up on YouTube. A fun, or at least nostalgic, time was had by the 1.6k people who listened to it since I posted it.

But what of the rest of 327? Well, it’s a few years later now, I’m somewhat more proficient at musical production, and music recovery tools are better these days, so you know what? Fuck it, I’ve gone back and rehabbed the entire EP now. I went in, stemmed out the vocals, drums and other instruments, cleaned and brightened them, moved around some of the bum notes to get them (mostly) on key, sonically painted over the clicks where I hit my drumsticks together, and in one place patched a place in the recording where a tape head clearly jammed up, leaving a blank space in a song, pasting in the keyboards and adding a bridge vocal.

The cleanup has reveal 327 as a minor classi — no, actually it hasn’t, it’s still a bunch of 80s kids bashing together tunes on a tight schedule with more enthusiasm than actual talent (well, the guitarist, a ringer Tommy brought in named George Huang, was actually talented; he was our age but had clearly been playing for years. The rest of us? Hey, we tried!). Also, it wouldn’t have done to try to erase every artifact of its 80s amateurishness, and I’m not that good an engineer anyway, so there’s still tape hiss (and lossy MP3 simmerwarble), compressed dynamics, variable tempos and other evidence that what you’re hearing was hauled up from the subterranean depths of four decades ago. Don’t kid yourself. If you’re listening to this, it’s out of curiosity more than anything else.

Which is fine! And better than fine! 327 (now named 327/38 to note that it’s been 38 years since we got together to make this — actually maybe 39, since I’m a little fuzzy on the exact dates, but it hardly matters now, so I’m sticking with 38) is an artifact of another time and place, when hair bands ruled the earth and teenagers made their music fast and dirty in studios rather than on their laptops. It wasn’t a better time (I like making music on my laptop, thank you!), but it was a different time, and it shows. We had fun, and that was its own excuse. Plus Tommy got into college!

Enough with the liner notes, here are tunes. Note that on the original 327 some of these songs may have had different titles, but I can’t remember what they were. It’s been a while, okay?

One Hit (To the Body): If memory serves correctly, this is a song Tommy wrote about being nostalgic for a bunch of friends at… summer camp, I think? There’s a tape warble in the middle of the song that I left in because I don’t how to fix it, and also it adds a sort of verisimilitude to the 80s experience, that horrifying moment when you wonder if your tape player is going to eat your cassette. 80s kids know this pain.

It’s a New Reality: Our hit single! I wrote the lyrics imagining David Lee Roth singing it (the arrangement in my brain was different than it is here). Tommy wrote the bridge about rock and roll being in our blood, because we needed a bridge. There are some very 80s guitar solos in here. Thank you George, wherever you are! You’re probably a doctor now or something. But you could rock back in the day.

Tears Go Rolling: The album’s “epic,” with two lead singers, different parts in entirely different tempos and soaring guitar solos designed to wrench the lighters out your pocket to wave in the air. Yeah, the 80s were all about the epic. This is the song where there was blank spot in file and I had to patch it. I nailed the instrumental patch but you’ll probably be able to tell where I dubbed in my voice. Which is okay! It doesn’t have to be seamless! I do enjoy the idea that 56-year-old me is collaborating with 17-year-old me. Hello, 17-year-old me! Enjoy your hair!

Pauline: The opening guitar riff feels kind of Red Hot Chili Peppers (in contemplative mode), and then the middle the guitars go a little Johnny Marr. However, don’t actually expect either RHCP or Smiths! The guitar is leading down you a path! The song itself is going somewhere else entirely!

There, I hope this musical experience has been everything you’ve hoped for and more. Also, surprise! 327/38 is also available on streaming. The long-lost EP absolutely no one was asking for is now everywhere! So now you never have to be without it. Ever. And thank goodness for that.

Now, for the sake of completeness: Credits!

327/38
Originally produced by Tommy Kim, additional engineering by John Scalzi
All songs Tommy Kim except “It’s a New Reality” by Tommy Kim and John Scalzi

Chris Godfrey: Keyboards
John Herpel: Guitar
George Huang: Guitar
Scott Moore: Vocals
John Scalzi: Drums
Steve Shenbaum: Vocals
Kevin Stampfl: Bass

You may ask: Will we ever get the band back together? Well, if Spinal Tap can do it after 41 years, it’s not out of the question. Maybe Tommy needs tenure.

— JS

Monday, July 7th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

"Deb, you've outdone yourself!"

"Aww, thanks, Pat!"

"So, what do you call it?"

"Well, with all the candied cherries on there, I'm thinking...'THE CHERRY POPPIN' CANDY CASTLE!' What do you think?"

"I like it."

"AND, we can throw in a half dozen 'Tunnel of Love' cookies with each order!"

"Oooh, good idea! Especially since no one but those college guys will buy any."

"Yeah...I guess the extra icing must be turning people off - too many calories. Remember how that lady said they weren't family-friendly?"

"That was kind of weird. Must be one of those health nuts."

"Aw, you know how it is. People are so paranoid about what they put in their mouths these days."

 

Thanks to Anony M. & Christina P. for the great spread.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Sunday, July 6th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Lindsey

There's 104 days of summer vacation
And school comes along just to end it
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spennnnd it...

By The Uncommon Cakery

And what better place to spend your summer vacation than at the beach? Phineas and Ferb obviously agree, and who can argue with those guys?

 

So snap open your lounge chairs and get ready to enjoy today's beachy-keen sweets. Starting with this lovely:

By The Cake Zone

Ahhh. I actually feel more relaxed just looking at this. How people can bring themselves to eat these exquisite creations, I'll never undersand.

 

And you're going to love this collection of underwater friends...

By amateur baker Kristina H.

and anemones.

 

Let's all wave hello to this next one...

Submitted by Pearl H.and made by *JNFerrigno

'cuz I hear it brings good tidings!

(Ok, ok, I'm sorry about all the beach puns. No matter what I do they just keep rolling in. But seriously, isn't this cake swell?)

 

Now here's a tasteful take on a beach-themed wedding cake:

By Sheryl Brou

I love that they didn't go overboard.
(Sea what I did there?)

(Ugh, I'm sorry! I'm even annoying myself now. I'll try to reel it in.)

 

Here's a sweet little seahorse. I think it's totally cute:

By Courtney's Cakes

Water you thinking a boat it?

 

Sorry! I can't help it. I'll just go with the flow.

By Cakery Creation

Like the tiny pearl bubbles floating along the gentle waves of this cake. Simply buoy-tiful.

 

And I love the graduating colors of fondant here, and the dusting of "sand:"

By Diane's Sweet Treats

Tangent time: I once had a good friend who enjoyed eating actual sand. Turns out she was deficient in some essential mineral. Which was a relief, since we were about to take her to the lagoony bin.

 

It's a shore bet she would have loved this sand castle cake though:

By Creative Mom-2-Five

The "sand" is crushed Nilla wafers, should you care to recreate this look for yourself or a loved one who does not enjoy eating actual sand.

 

There's so much goodness in this next sandy scene, how shell I ever pick a favorite?

I love the pinwheels and the tiny picnic in the corner.

By Cakes by Samantha

Oh, and the embossed pattern on the mini tablecloth! Great little detail.

 

This final cake is so incredible and realistic you'll swear it's alive. I squid you not.

By Avalon Cakes

Wow, that sucker is beautiful!
(Specifically, the third one from the bottom.)

Whale, I hope you got your fill of beach-themed sweets (and puns) today. I'm sure you're clamoring for more, but that should tide you over for a while!

 

Happy Sunday!

*****

P.S. If you actually go to the beach, then clearly you need a mesh tote bag that's in such high demand they couldn't even get one for the photoshoot, and had to photoshop it in (badly) later:

Oversized Mesh Beach Bag

Oh yeah, bad Photoshop is how you know it's good. Well, that, and the 2,000+ 5-star ratings. Turns out this thing is actually pretty awesome, and also comes in blue, gray, or white. Grab yours before the manufacturer tries to snatch it up for another photoshoot.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Saturday, July 5th, 2025 10:16 pm

Posted by John Scalzi

It’s a short and sweet oldy but a goody this time out, from Buddy Holly. Why this one? Why not? It’s been covered by just about everyone, from James Taylor to Erasure, and I really like the song, and I had free time this weekend, so here we are. If you like it, fabulous, if you don’t, well, it’s two minutes long, it’ll be over quickly enough.

And for those of you who have somehow never heard the original, here you go:

— JS

Friday, July 4th, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

Today's Wreck is so unrecognizable I figured I better give you as many clues as possible before showing it to you.

Clue #1: He's big, green, and lives in a swamp.

Clue #2: He's a cartoon ogre.

Clue #3: His name is Shrek.

Clue #4: He looks like this:

 

Ok, have you guessed who it is yet?

'Cuz here comes the Wreck!

(Choo choo!)

AAAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!


Ahem.

Ok, so it's shiny, toothy, and has a homicidal glint in its dead, dead eyes.

On the other hand, now we know what would happen if the Incredible Hulk and Sloth from the Goonies ever had a love child. Right, Michelle Y.?

*****

P.S. What do you get when you combine a twenty year old movie with a ten year old saying?
Pure punny gold, that's what:

Check Yourself Before You Shrek Yourself Shirt

That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

(Also comes in purple and gray!)

******

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Thursday, July 3rd, 2025 03:57 pm

Posted by Athena Scalzi

We do so love the big blue marble we call home, don’t we? But what if humans had another home, and what if it was our red and dusty space neighbor? Author E.L. Starling poses this question in the Big Idea for newest novel, Bound By Stars, thinking up possibilities about the future that are certainly dystopian, but also realistic. Follow along on a journey through the stars, and try to keep afloat as the (space)ship goes down.

E. L. STARLING:

My family rewatches Interstellar together every year, which sometimes (read: always) devolves into a heated debate about complex theories, space time, and whether “they” really were aliens or just an unfathomable combination of future human technology and a natural anomaly splicing through the multiverse. (Probably the aliens, right?)

In spring of 2022, as the credits rolled, my oldest veered off our usual set of topics and brought up a certain billionaire’s desire to terraform Mars. We all responded with eye rolls and a version of the same sentiment, “How about putting that effort into combating climate change on this planet where we already have oxygen, water, and atmosphere?”

Plus, if I’m being completely honest, even if Mars was a viable option for everyone, you can still leave me here. Reading in a car going 25 mph flips my stomach inside out. And, the vastness of the unknown is a fear I would rather not face.

But, what would that be like? What if the wealthy abandoned Earth to create a utopia 140 million miles away and left the rest of the world’s population behind? Would they really leave Earth for good? Terraforming is a long game. They would still need resources. Would they use Earth like their new planet’s remote farm and factory? There was so much to consider.

This discussion sparked an idea. Two worlds. Separated by space and socioeconomic classes. 

As my family members scattered, I was building the dystopia in my mind: After the Earth is ravaged by climate change, the population decimated, and society reshaped, the wealthy still control the resources, but they’ve drilled for water, built infrastructure, and established a safe haven in luxurious habitat cities on Mars. 

The dynamics of the world set up the perfect main characters: two people from different classes and different planets. And what if they were teenagers in this world— still required to manage school, bullies, love, homework, and their impending futures? What if I upped the stakes further and put them on a doomed starliner between their two worlds? There was The Big Idea: YA Titanic-in-space.

Enter Jupiter Dalloway and Weslie Fleet. Jupiter is from Mars. Born at the top of society. The heir to a multi-trillion-dollar company. Unsatisfied with his predetermined future. Weslie’s from Earth. Hardened by a life of struggle and injustice. Full of confidence and armed with the attitude to call out Jupiter’s alarming privilege. Both of them seventeen, on the tailend of adolescence. Two people who learn to appreciate and celebrate each other’s differences despite the backdrop of a complex and oppressive world.

Choosing to write Bound by Stars as a YA novel was a conscious endeavor for me. At that age, you’re near adulthood, but still not fully in control of your own life. There are people who dictate the basics of your day to day, but you’re the one expected to make decisions about your future. High school graduation, college, the rest of your life is just around the bend in the road ahead. You’re shaped by every heartbreak, moment of triumph, cruel word, and act of kindness. And all the emotions inside you are bigger, stronger, more passionate. The future feels open. Possible. Big. Scary.

I love celebrating this multitude for joy, hope, injustice, and even sadness. In my opinion, this is great insight into why we often throw teenager characters into dystopian stories. While sometimes labeled as “overly emotional” or “out of control,” that “too much-ness” of adolescence is human emotion at its absolute fullest capacity. I can’t help but respect someone who can experience heartbreak like a life-ending blow and still care about their friends, show up for band practice, sing their heart out in a theater production, and write that 5-page essay due at the end of the week. 

And on top of it all—today’s youth are growing up with a true fear of climate change and developing an understanding of the dangers of unfettered capitalism in real time, while being asked “What do you want to do with your life after high school?” 

Of course, the compelling lightbulb of “Titanic-in-space” was fun and romantic: a chance to create parallels to an epic love story in a high-stake situation. But there was a level deeper. Underneath the outrageous opulence of the ship headed for Mars, sharp banter between characters from different worlds, slow-burn romance, and an action-packed, “there aren’t enough lifeboats (or escape pods in this case)” climax, Bound by Stars is a story about relatable, young characters navigating life in bleak future landscape. After all, dystopian novels can reflect the complexities of existing in this stage of life, while—hopefully—offering a bit of hope and inspiration.


Bound By Stars: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop

Author socials: Website|Facebook|Instagram

Thursday, July 3rd, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

I'm a firm believer in celebrating just about everything with cake, and from the submissions you guys send in I'm clearly not the only one.  However, there's celebrating, say, a new vasectomy or Daddy's parole, and then there's the stuff that some people might consider, well, inappropriate cake material.

 Not me, of course. No sir! Heck, I say, you wanna get pregnant? Then SAY IT WITH CAKE:


Or you're happy you DIDN'T get pregnant? Say THAT with cake.

 

Let's say your friend Cory suffered a nasty seizure recently. That warrants a cookie cake, right?

(Remember, kids: It's "i before e except after c." Except in the word "seizure.")

 

And remember that time your friend lost a finger to the lawn mower? Just in case he doesn't, let's remind him! With cake!

I like how this is less a "get well" cake, and more an "IN YOUR FACE! With love from the Lawn Mower" cake.

 

Driving while intoxicated is a serious crime, so be sure to tell your friends you won't stand for such behavior. Also with cake.

I like to imagine the candles are mini breathalyzers. 

(How cool would that invention be? Right? I'll make millions. MILLIONS, I say!)

 

The world is too success-oriented. We should be sending a better message to younger generations. A message that says, "Hey, no matter what, at least you'll get a cake out of this."

 

Dangit. Why don't I know any lady farmers to give this to? WHY?!

(PS - You misspelled "Awesome." But I'll let it slide, because melons.)

And finally, my favorite:

Hang on... we get cake for that? 

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?!


Thanks to Anony M., Katelyn, KG, Paul S., Paige S., April B., & Stephanie K. for the inspiration.

*****

P.S. That reminds me of my Wonder Womb DIY, but if you're not feeling crafty you can buy this!

"Ivy the Plush Uterus"

I'm told "Ivy" is a play on "In Vitro," but I still say Baron Stabby McCrampus of Bloodhaven is a more appropriate moniker.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2025 07:50 pm

Posted by Athena Scalzi

Whilst I was perusing the produce section at Kroger last week, I came across a watermelon. Not just any watermelon, though. Private Selection’s “Black Diamond” watermelons. I figured since y’all seemed to enjoy my orange review, you might want the skinny on this here watermelon, as well:

A watermelon with a big label sticker on it that reads

Unlike the Sugar Gem oranges, this watermelon was sweeter than a regular ol’ watermelon. Not only that, but the label boasts a rich, red flesh. I thought it may have been all talk, but lo and behold it was indeed very red! I bought this one for six dollars, which is pretty much the exact same cost as a regular watermelon, and it’s roughly the same size, so I’d say you should go ahead and buy this one over the regular ones if you are someone who prefers a juicier, sweeter watermelon.

I served this watermelon to my parents, both of whom do not particularly care for watermelon, and they made a point of telling me how good this particular watermelon was and ended up eating a good bit of it when normally they probably wouldn’t have opted for any watermelon at all.

With the 4th approaching this weekend, I assume many of y’all will want to pick up a watermelon, and I think if your Kroger has these ones lying around you should give it a try! I’ve been meaning to buy another one because it’s the perfect refreshing snack during this recent heat wave.

It’s nice to try something new and actually have a good experience with it. Those Sugar Gem oranges may have been a bust, but this Black Diamond Watermelon is definitely a winner in my book.

Do you like watermelon? If you don’t, would you be willing to give this one a try based on my parents’ reaction to it? Do you have fun plans for the 4th? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day!

-AMS

Wednesday, July 2nd, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

My favorite part is how it's written BELOW the picture.

 

I almost want this baker to be color blind, just so they have *some* excuse.

 

Fortunately the baker of this wedding cake followed instructions literally:

See? She *did* write it!

 

Thanks to Robert B., Tenae Z. & Kate L. for falling victim to one the classic blunders. Just remember, guys: never go against a Simpleton when CAKE is on the line! HAHA HA HAHAH AHAH HA... [thud]

Oops.

*****

P.S. Here's a (hilarious) reminder that English is almost as ridiculous as these cakes:

P Is for Pterodactyl: The Worst Alphabet Book Ever

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 01:00 pm

Posted by Jen

I just realized that the term "nailed it!" can have two meanings. Well, three. But despite my naughty word outburst yesterday, this IS still a mostly family-friendly establishment, and the third meaning is a little TOO family-friendly, IF you KNOW what I'm SAYING.

Sorry, my caps lock HAS DEVELOPED A MIND of its OWN.

AND I'VE ALSO BEEN DRINKING.

Where was I?

No, I mean yesterday: where was I? Because I'm guessing these feathers came from somewhere.

Perhaps I should start again.

So. "Nailed it." It can mean, "What ho! I have successfully accomplished my intended endeavor!" *OR* it can mean you hit something with your car.

Pay attention now, because this is a very long setup for a very flat punchline:

NAILED IT.

 

THANKS TO ANN LEE, who I'm hoping can tell me what kind of bird sheds strawberry-scented feathers. And glitter. And...oh. Waaaaiiit....

*****

"What do you need a 5 pack of assorted body glitters for?"

"The question is what DON'T I need them for."

Unicorn Snot Body Glitter Gel Pack

Plus they're called Unicorn Snot. C'mon. BONUS.

*****

And from my other blog, Epbot:

Tuesday, July 1st, 2025 01:50 pm

Posted by Athena Scalzi

Hop on board for author Matthew Kressel’s newest ride through the galaxy, Space Trucker Jess. In this Big Idea as he takes you through not only his writing process for this particular story, but on a journey through a high-concept sci-fi world viewed through the eyes of a teenage girl.

MATTHEW KRESSEL:

I was a feral kid. Both my parents worked full-time jobs, and I’d come home to an empty house. I had no supervision. I went off with friends and we, ahem, did things. Stupid things. Really fucking stupid things. And when I look back on those days I’m like, How the hell did I make it out alive?

But that freedom was glorious. You could do whatever you wanted. Go anywhere. You had the feeling that anything could happen. And it often did. The good and the bad.

That’s the kind of feeling I hope to evoke in Space Trucker Jess. The joy and spontaneity of discovery. In my childhood, we got into trouble all around the neighborhood. In my novel, Jess gets into hijinx across the galaxy. 

Like Jess herself, I began the book with a simple premise: Screw the “rules.” 

In my past stories and novels, I labored over every paragraph, sentence, word, and punctuation mark until I’d wound myself into a Gordian knot a million words long. In Jess, I felt the need to loosen the bridles, to let my idea run wild, like that feral kid who got into trouble around the neighborhood. What emerged was Jess, a take-no-shit foul-mouthed kick-ass teenaged girl who’s smart as hell, caring and empathetic, who solves problems not with violence but with brains and determination. Though too often for her own good, Jess’s curiosity gets her into trouble. Big trouble.

Think Natasha Lyonne narrating 2001: A Space Odyssey.

There’s lots of high-concept SF, and, yeah, Space Trucker Jess has all the tropes: starships and FTL travel, alien gods, missing planets, galactic secrets. But I wanted to tell the story a different way. Not from an omniscient or a dry and distant third person, but from deep in the point of view of a sensitive and expressive girl who’s journeyed across the Milk and back a thousand times and who knows more about starships than most people know their own nose. 

And so you get high philosophy and fart jokes. Orthodox religion and irreverent sacrilege. Weird inscrutable aliens and deadbeat dads. All told from a foul-mouthed over-confident, wicked-smart and sometimes willfully naive girl who just wants, at the end of the day, to be left the hell alone.

Space Trucker Jess is also about identity. I wrote a good chunk of the book during the first Covid lockdowns. Cut off from friends and family, from work and all the many inter-personal relationships I took for granted, I felt my sense of self drifting. Without those external interactions reflecting my identity back to me, I didn’t know who I was anymore. It was very disconcerting. 

A lot of that experience makes its way into the book. Jess’s worldview expands enormously throughout the novel, sometimes suddenly and violently, and she is forced to reckon with a new sense of self and a greater awareness. 

Also, Space Trucker Jess is about family. Jess loves her deadbeat dad, and she and him have been grifting their way across the galaxy for years. But she knows he’s an asshole, he knows he’s an asshole, but she just can’t let him go. The relationship is, from the start, highly dysfunctional. Jess just wants stability, away from him. But getting away is harder than it sounds. Without getting too personal, I had a lot of turbulence in my childhood home, and I wanted to explore the contrasts between the family we’re born with and the family we choose, and how those dynamics can alter the course of our entire lives, for better or worse. 

So if you want to go on a fun adventure alongside a bad-ass genius girl head-firsting her way through the galaxy who’s just looking for some peace in an uncaring universe, while encountering alien gods, missing planets, galactic secrets, and more, well then, Space Trucker Jess might just be your ride.


Space Trucker Jess: Amazon|Barnes & Noble|Bookshop|Powell’s

Author socials: Website|Facebook|Instagram|Bluesky

Monday, June 30th, 2025 08:47 pm

Posted by Athena Scalzi

Have you ever had one of those places you want to go to, but never get around to checking out, and suddenly a year has passed and you’ve still never been? That’s how it was for me and Grist, a restaurant in downtown Dayton that I had heard about from so many people and had been meaning to get out to for literal months. Well, I finally made it happen, and I’m so glad I did.

Bryant and I were going out to dinner, and I asked him what kind of food he wanted. He picked Italian, which, in my opinion, is the hardest cuisine to get around this area. At least, good Italian, that is. There’s always Fazoli’s, and TripAdvisor has the audacity to label Marion’s Pizza as the number one Italian spot in the area, so pickings are slim for Italian ’round these parts. But I wanted something nicer than Spaghetti Warehouse.

Eventually my searching led me to Grist, which was labeled as Italian, and looked pretty dang amazing from the photos provided. Plus, I’d heard from numerous Daytonians in the past that they liked Grist, and I trust my sources. So, I made us a reservation for that evening, excited to try somewhere new.

Located on Fifth Street, it’s just down the street from the Oregon District, and close to the Dayton Convention Center. There’s a parking garage right across the street from it, and some street parking, too.

Upon walking in, the first thing I noticed was how bright and open it is. The large wall of windows let in so much natural light, and you immediately get to see all the baked goods in their glass display case.

A shot of the display case holding the desserts and baked goods. You can also see wine glasses and stacks of dishes in the background, and in the very back is a huge bookshelf type wall.

I immediately loved the decor and vibe in Grist. It was like sort of rustic but nice at the same time. Like fancy Italian farmhouse vibes? It was really cute.

A huge bookshelf/cabinet set up that takes up an entire wall, and is painted a really pretty sea salt blue. The bookshelf looking portion is filled with jars of pasta, bottles of olive oils and some t-shirts for sale. There's also a really nice stand/shelving thingy on the other wall with wine bottles on it.

And there was even a selection of wine for purchase:

A rack and cooler of wine bottles.

I didn’t get a shot of their other indoor dining area or their little patio, but it does have a super cute patio.

Grist has casual service, so you can either place your order at the counter or order at your table using your phone, and they bring the food out to your table. I chose to use my phone because there was a pretty steady flow of people ordering to-go stuff from the register.

Here’s what they were offering on their dinner menu:

A paper menu, with two sections. One for starters and one for entrees. In the starters section there's rosemary and parmesan focaccia, mushroom pate, meatballs, shrimp melange, roasted carrots, apricot and hazelnut burrata, and spring chopped salad. For the entrees there's tagliatelle alla bolognese, squash blossom halibut, pork raviolini, sweet corn agnolotti, risotto cacio e pepe, and squid ink orecchiette.

It’s basically a law that you have to try a restaurant’s bread. The bread a restaurant offers is a window into all the rest of their food, and also into their soul. So we split the half loaf of rosemary and parmesan focaccia:

A beautiful loaf of focaccia cut in half long ways, and sliced into shareable slices. A round puck of butter sits beside it. It is served on a wood serving platter.

Bryant and I both loved the focaccia, and there was more than enough for both of us. The outside was just a little bit crispy and the bread inside was soft and chewy. It wasn’t overwhelmingly herbaceous, and was definitely worth the six dollars in my opinion. The only acceptable reason to not try this bread if you visit is if you’re gluten intolerant.

We also shared the house-made meatballs:

A small black bowl with five sizeable meatballs, all covered in red sauce and parmesan cheese grated on top.

I can’t say I’m like, a huge meatball fan. I don’t really eat them that often and they’re not something I crave regularly or think about all that much. However, these meatballs were really yummy! I was impressed that there were five of them, and they were quite sizeable. I think the portion size is honestly pretty good. They definitely tasted like they were made fresh in-house, and had just the right amount of sauce on them. I would be more than happy to have a meatball marinara sub made with these meatballs.

And our final appetizer was the mushroom pate:

Three slices of toasted bread served alongside a small white bowl filled with the mushroom pate, which is topped with pickled shallot and sesame seeds.

First off, I love how toasty the ciabatta was, it’s like the perfect shade for toast. The mushroom pate was packed to the brim with mushroomy, umami flavor. Total flavor bomb, and a little goes a long way. The pickled shallots added a wild contrast, and there was a lot of interesting textures. It was seriously delish.

To accompany the starters, I decided to try their sweet wine flight, which came with three wines for fourteen dollars:

A slim wooden flight board with three small glasses of wine. One red and two white.

I can’t remember what the red one was, but the two whites are a Riesling and a sparkling Moscato. I did not care for the red at all, in my opinion it wasn’t even remotely sweet, but I generally prefer white anyway so maybe it just wasn’t my cup of tea (or wine, I suppose). Normally I like Rieslings but this one was kind of a miss for me, too. The Moscato was the bomb dot com though. I loved the bubbles and the sweetness level was perfect. It was so smooth and delish, I ended up polishing that one off but didn’t really drink the other two.

Choosing an entree was pretty dang tough, but Bryant ended up picking the Cacio e Pepe Orecchiette:

A large white bowl/plate type of dish with a large portion of risotto, drizzled with some sort of cream sauce and with chunks of baked parmesan and pepper on top.

I absolutely loved the presentation of this dish, and I’m a huge risotto fan, but I honestly didn’t care for this dish. It just really didn’t taste like much to me, but then again I only had one bite and Bryant said he really liked it, so maybe it was a me issue. I’m glad he enjoyed it!

I opted for the Sweet Corn Agnolotti:

A black bowl containing about thirteen pieces of Agnolotti. Fresh parmesan is shaved on top.

I actually wasn’t sure what type of pasta agnolotti was, but it’s basically just a stuffed pasta, kind of like a ravioli. These little dudes were stuffed with a delicious, creamy filling that I totally burned the frick frack out of my tongue on. They had a great corn flavor, you could definitely tell it was sweet corn. I noticed on the menu it also said it had black truffle in it but I actually didn’t notice any truffle flavor at all, so that’s kind of odd. I really enjoyed my entree, and I think next time I’d like to try the squid ink pasta since I still have yet to try squid ink.

Of course, we had to save room for dessert, and you can’t eat an Italian dinner without ending it with tiramisu:

A small white plate with a big ol cube of tiramisu on it. It is a heck of a solid block of creamy white goodness and cocoa powder.

Funny enough, Bryant’s favorite dessert is tiramisu, so he definitely wasn’t gonna pass this up. He was kind enough to let me try a bite, and I feel confident saying it’s a pretty good tiramisu! It was creamy and rich, and honestly didn’t have any sort of alcohol-y boozy type flavor. No complaints, solid tiramisu.

I went with the apricot and passionfruit tart with pepita crust:

A long and narrow slice of a tart, the filling of which is bright orange and topped with dollops of toasted meringue (at least I think that's what it is?).

Oh my DAYS! This bloody thing was loaded with flavor. Holy cannoli this thing literally punched my tastebuds into next week! The passionfruit flavor is absolutely bonkers on this sucker. Don’t get me wrong, it was delicious. It was sweet and tart and the crust was awesome and the meringue on top was fantastic and wow. Seriously wow. It took me three separate tries to eat this after I took it home, because I would take one bite and be like, okay that’s plenty for now. But don’t misunderstand me, it is very good!

Before leaving, I simply had to get one of their incredible looking cookies to take home, and I picked the white chocolate pineapple one:

A big cookie with flaky sea salt on top, being held up by me in front of a light purple wall.

This cookie was dense, chewy, perfectly sweet with pieces of pineapple throughout, and the flaky sea salt on top really was the cherry on top, or I guess it was the flaky sea salt on top (I know, it’s not a funny joke). Definitely pick up a cookie on your way out, you won’t regret it!

Grist is open Tuesday-Saturday for lunch and dinner, with a break in between the two. You can make reservations for dinner but not for lunch, and you can order online for lunch but not for dinner. While I was there I learned that Grist also hosts cooking classes on Sundays, so that’s neat! I’d love to check one out sometime.

All in all, Grist was a great experience. Though we didn’t have waiters and whatnot, the service we got from the people at the counter and from the chefs that brought our plates out was extremely friendly, and also the food came out really quickly. We both really loved the food and the vibes, and I also like the prices. I definitely want to come back and try pretty much everything I didn’t get to this first time around.

Have you tried Grist before? Which dish looks the best to you? Do you have any recommendations for nice Italian places in Dayton? Let me know in the comments, and have a great day! And be sure to follow Grist on Instagram.

-AMS